I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
