I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
