My cat gives me a boner
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
