I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
