that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
