I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
