How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
