This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
