if i can run in heels then i can drive
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
