Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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