The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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