My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
