i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
