The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
