Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
