I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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