You work out of a Hotel?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
