I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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