Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
