sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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