Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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