If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So vagazzling was a success
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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