I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
