Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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