walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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