so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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