I am puke
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
