So drunk its hurt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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