im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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