Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
