I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
