how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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