I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
