just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
