So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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