so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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