# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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