You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
then he tried to convert me to islam
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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