Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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