My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
