If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
