remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
