I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
