They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
