Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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