Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
