I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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