i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
