i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
