i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
