An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
