Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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