just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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