So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
