I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
