White coat. Heels.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dear god my vagina.
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