I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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