Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
