so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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