Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
